When you meet a guy or a girl and the two of you hit it off, it's a little early to be thinking about whether or not you'll hit it off with the family as well. And why would you? It's still a budding romance, filled with surprises and candlelit dinners and lots and lots of sex. However, fast forward a year and you suddenly find yourself miserable, not because of anything your significant other has done, but because you now have sufficient evidence that proves his family is insane. You've heard it, you've seen it, you've even dealt with it on multiple occasions. The mom, whose temper resembles that of Hitler circa 1945, the dad, whose misleading modesty unexpectedly turns into ruthless obscenity, and the brother, who's at the ripe adolescent age of running away and succeeding in making every situation unbearably awkward.
Image SourceFor the past few days, I've been living in the center of all this, waiting for my credit report to be approved so I can move into my apartment. I constantly find myself tiptoeing around the house so as not to disturb the sleeping beast (mom), or biting my lip so as to avoid any and all forms of face-to-face confrontation. It's not that his family has a problem with me. Quite the contrary actually, they adore me, cater to my every whim, sometimes treat me better than they do their own son. However, the fact that I'm slowly seeing their "idiosyncrasies" chipping away at my boyfriend's 'keep-it-together factor' is, shall we say, disconcerting to say the least. But what's more concerning than the classic product of your environment issue lie a few underlying inquiries: Can I see myself marrying this man? If no, what am I still doing here? If yes, can I also see myself "marrying his family?"...When someone marries another person, do they marry that person's family as well?
Comments (10)
Yup. You can dodge his family as much as you can, but come some occassions, you'll end up seeing them anyway. Move far away, close enough to "visit" once in a while, but not far enough to want to ever stay the night in order to visit.
I agree with @XactiLucius@xanga. Make sure there's distance between you, but suck it up and visit them once in a while to be nice. Don't end up like Everybody Loves Raymond and live with your in-laws across the street. I suspect if my boyfriend and I ever move close to his parents, our life will become a virtual spin-off of that sitcom. At that point, I might completely lose my mind.
At least they approve of you. Think of how bad it would be if they didn't. If you two were to get married, you're not really marrying the family. I mean, you're not going to move in with them permanently, are you? You may have to visit them on occasion and maybe even have to deal with them at your wedding but you'll be fine otherwise.
wow, i have to deal with a psycho mom who hates me for having a nose piercing, loves me for my personality, but hates me for not studying a double major that she approves, loves me because i help out around the house, then hates me because she thinks i don't work to my full potential. wtf? as if getting good grades wasn't enough. even my parents aren't on my back about the difference between 88% average in my university courses and 90%. god.
for me being asian, marry a man is just the same like marrying his family. as i get older, i'm becoming more selective on the type of man i'm going to marry. if i marry an asian man, i have to be accepting of his family and if i marry another race, it may be different but now and days, family is so important in everyone's life so it wouldn't make such a different either way. honestly, if i didn't see a future with a man's family, i would not pursue their son.
@MytzieLaelia@xanga - yeah agree. i mean living with crazy people puts a whole new emphasis on CRAZY. living somewhere else, just visiting once in a while, should be ok.
i have to hope so anyway, cause MY parents are the insane ones, and i hope that doesnt fend off any potentials...
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - It shouldn't if that person cares about you :D
My SO has a crazy, not to mention large, family but I learn to cope with it when I'm ever around them. I wouldn't drop someone just because they're family is a little (or maybe extremely) off
I'm in a similar situation as yours and suprisingly enough, your description of the mother, father and brother is on par with my boyfriend's family. I want to be on good terms with his family because I'm crazy about my boyfriend. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad.
@mewithoutu77@xanga - That's a great idea, especially if they're close.
Honestly, I can't see anything but foolishness sleeping with someone you haven't already made up your mind to spend your life with. It just cheapens a marriage to nothing more than a contracted domestic partnership at the same level as an emotionless business partnership.
It really depends on the family. Everyone's got a few crazy ones on their side, and for the most part it ends up being smooth. My brother, for example, is an egotistical, ignorant asshole who has not yet even said "hello" to the love of my life...who has been to my house countless times. For what reason? My boyfriend was born and raised in Israel. He's Jewish. He's another race. My brother, the ignorant white guy, will not even enter the house when he's here.
This is the guy I'm sure I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...I was disappointed and incredibly upset at first that my brother of all people couldn't accept him. But always think to yourself how much worse it could be. It ends up better that way. Plus, once you're married, you start your own family, your own chapter in your life...you get to be the crazy ones (haha :D).
If you love the guy, tolerate his family. Delve deeper, get to know them as well as you possibly can. It brings you to a personal level with each of them...and you'll understand the craziness. If you can't do that...you can dodge as was brought up in previous comments. It's not so bad--there are many solutions to this.